“My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world…”
I have given everything all the meaning it has for me and as such, I projected it ‘out there’ to the so-called world. This has merely resulted in the futile exercise of trying to rearrange the figures on the screen. Once I began see that this attempt at disassociation has never changed a thing, the only thing left to do was to consider the possibility that I could not see or interpret or understand anything from lens of perspective (premise) which I was currently using. Here’s what the Course suggests: In every situation, ask “what is this for?’…Then wait, watch and listen.
I remember the ominous self-humiliation I put myself through in the early years of studying the Course and attempting to ‘do it right’ for my lack of discipline in applying the teachings. I was ashamed of my addiction to “being” the character in the script, for ‘seeing’ it theoretically, yet when it came to application, clarity seemed outside my grasp and I seemed to be completely caught up in the dream… absolutely whipped by it. It’s daunting to think how often I have wished that something ‘out there’ could shoulder the burden of my feelings of uselessness and imperfection and hopelessness… But, there is nothing ‘out there’, is there?
It has been by giving my willingness to these simple lessons that simply Now places me in this front row seat; ‘witnessing’ the grand show ~“My So Called Life’.
It’s so interesting (from where I seem to be right now) to observe the apparent world. To see the thoughts that sponsors it; to notice the compulsion to make it ‘the real thing’. I watch the shifting, changing landscape and characters and opinions. What a Show! I laugh out loud! So capricious is this serious character, ‘the hero of the dream”. Yet, deep within, I feel the still, silent prayer of gratitude for having the ‘best seat in the house’ to watch this production from. ~I weep… I laugh…I forgive…
We’re in this together, you and I, and we are not alone. I am joined with you in the joyous realization of the Truth~ you and I are One~
Since my mind keeps calling these passages from the text to my attention while I sit here writing, it seems appropriate to share the following, … Please join me a moment in referencing this early section of the Course~ the part where it (Jesus) is saying to watch your mind carefully…
“It has never really entered your mind to give up every idea you ever had that opposes knowledge. You retain thousands of little scraps of fear that prevent the Holy One from entering. Light cannot penetrate through the walls you make to block it, and it is forever unwilling to destroy what you have made. No one can see through a wall, but I can step around it. Watch your mind for the scraps of fear, or you will be unable to ask Me to do so... watch carefully and see what it is you are really asking for. Be very honest with yourself in this, for we must hide nothing from each other. If you will really try to do this, you have taken the first step toward preparing your mind for the Holy One to enter. We will prepare for this together, for once He has come, you will be ready to help Me to make other minds ready for Him. How long will you deny Him His Kingdom?
…Watch your mind for the temptations of the ego, and do not be deceived by it. It offers you nothing. When you have given up this voluntary dis-spiriting, you will see how your mind can focus and rise above fatigue and heal. Yet you are not sufficiently vigilant against the demands of the ego to disengage yourself. This need not be.
The habit of engaging with God and His creations is easily made if you actively refuse to let your mind slip away. The problem is not one of concentration; it is the belief that no one, including yourself, is worth consistent effort. Side with me consistently against this deception, and do not permit this shabby belief to pull you back. The disheartened are useless to themselves and to me, but only the ego can be disheartened…Watch your mind carefully for any beliefs that hinder its accomplishment, and step away from them. Judge how well you have done this by your own feelings, for this is the one right use of judgment. Judgment, like any other defense, can be used to attack or protect; to hurt or to heal. The ego SHOULD be brought to judgment and found wanting there. Without your own allegiance, protection and love, the ego cannot exist. Let it be judged truly and you must withdraw allegiance, protection and love from it. (T4.III-IV)
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