“I am upset because I see a meaningless world”…
You know that subtle restlessness you feel deep in your mind or body or what seems to be situations, as we learn to tune in, get honest with ourselves, and open to the possibility that we just might not be so right about what life is all about? That restlessness is the experience of resistance to what is… It is, simply put, a distraction from, or a denial of the truth of the nothingness of separation. It is the loneliness of nothingness. We not always aware it’s there and sometimes it feels like fear or excitement or free-floating anxiety… But just beneath the label we call experience is the meaninglessness of the ego thought system; of the false identity of the self-concept. It is in the acceptance of this meaninglessness, this emptiness, that we accept the fullness that is our Self… and the restlessness dissipates…
Embarking on a yearlong course of ACIM lesson application (and for me it became a life-long committed path), is truly a leap of faith into the seemingly unknown; it is a leap of faith into truth…
Inescapably I have come to see that all my upset is really due to my resisting just resting in meaninglessness or emptiness and just listening; allowing the Holy Spirit to show me the meaning God would have me see.
Then I do, however, I can then ask, “What is this? What is it for?” and then wait, undefined, for meaning to be reveal itself to me… As the lesson says, “What is meaningless is neither good nor bad. Why, then, should a meaningless world upset you? If you could accept the world as meaningless and let the truth be written upon it for you, it would make you indescribably happy. But because it is meaningless, you are impelled to write upon it what you would have it be. It is this you see in it. It is this that is meaningless in truth. Beneath your words is written the Word of God.”
I notice the compulsion to assign meaning, the ego voice seemingly always at the ready. It seems to be part of the ‘human’ program, as seemingly natural as breathing. The Course says the ego speaks first and loudly. ~Will I question what I hear?
A few years ago, as I began to really be honest with myself, I came to see that I didn’t so much care about anything in this ‘world’. It didn’t actually matter to me how things went, or what situations seemed to be… I found that I could wait and see… This slowing down of my own agenda-izing is when I began to notice how vigilant and insidious the voice for the ego really was in my mind. It was always on a mission to assign meaning ~ OMG, the lengths it would go to convince me I ‘should’ care about this; what ever that something was, regardless. “It” could be virtually anything… And that ego voice would try every angle trying to get me to take it seriously. Like, ‘it’s my life we’re talkin’ about here after all, isn’t it’, etc. ~Well~Is it? ~
I noticed that if I took orders from and acted on the compulsion’s design, the ‘situation’ did seem real and something I did seem to care about going a certain way. And, from this perspective, the world felt very real indeed. So too, inevitably, it eventually led to my feeling small… I would begin to feel that I was not significant enough to make any impact. This in turn left me feeling exhausted… Ironically; in this exhaustion I would finally throw my hands up, so to speak, and subsequently, find myself open once again, to choose anew. This in turn, brought me back to a state of peace. So it turns out, the “not caring” is a very high state. One in which the burden of this world of form and consequence, is lifted. The Holy Spirit always has it (life) wired for healing…
Nothing can but go the way it’s meant to. The script is written…. I but choose to see with love or fear; with trust or worry; alone or as One Mind… Accordingly, once I choose with the Holy Spirit within my mind, I find, I don’t really care at all about what seemingly goes on. I don’t in actuality believe it real… All that truly matters is the happy exchange of love surrounding me~ the opportunity to extend love; the call for love and seeing it for what it actually is…love~ It is all the same…all the same…only love matters. Love is what we are, after all… Only love… Forgiveness and love… Forgiveness is the mechanism which returns me to my right mind. So, one could say, that it turns out ‘forgiveness offers everything we want’.
In conclusion; when I notice the compulsion to assign meaning, (which is easily told by the loss of peace), before I make it real or make it matter and then decide what to ‘do’ about it, I simply turn my mind toward the holy Spirit and forgive what never really happened and see beyond it to the call for love, that it is. I simply ask, wait, and listen for the Truth… Aahhh…peace. I see the truth reflected all around me, springing from the well of peace deep within me. And my mind is open to a different world.
From here, I watch… I see how every one is doing their part. Gratitude abounds. Just like the lesson today says, “The truth upsets you now, but when your words have been erased, you will see His. That is the ultimate purpose of these exercises.” So there it is… Thank you my brothers who are one with me ~
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