LESSON THIRTEEN

Lesson 13:
“A meaningless world engenders fear….”
“A meaningless world engenders fear….” What does this mean? Okay, meaningless… Meaningless! Wholly $#*! The mind doesn’t even want to go there, right? The idea of meaninglessness immediately brings to mind the question of our little existence and what significance or value it actually has… (Don’t look here.). Even my existence or my reality at all, is called into question. Ego Alert! Of course that’s a threat to the boss of our world… It’s a threat to recognize that all that gave us reason to fight and struggle, to make better and win~ was absolutely meaningless. To give up every idea we ever had of what life was; every belief and value ever held. Surely we too, would be meaningless, wouldn’t we? Would we?
The first time I did the lessons, I remember I thought something to the effect of “Yeah, well maybe if I had a negative spin on things like so many people do, but I don’t, thank god, I see mostly the good…” (Competition with God ~ self authorship) ~I look at that mind set now and I chuckle. I recognize now, the ego ‘sidestepping denial technique’; a rose-colored glasses perspective designed to avoid even the idea of fear. The idea of total meaninglessness was horribly terrifying to me. Yet, at the time, I was completely oblivious to this. I had to keep the deep-seated fear so far from my awareness, so as to maintain a semblance of worthwhile-ness. Too small and fragile was my ‘self’ esteem; too tenuous was my significance in this world ~in my so-called life… I simply couldn’t afford to relax a bit. “Had to strive… become a better person… show God I was serious, and appreciative, and a good student’.
I didn’t see the set up then… the fear of meaninglessness, let alone the meaningless world, and certainly not the competition with God. But, alas, one step; one lesson at a time…. And, with a little willingness I began to allow the unveiling of the false to arise.
Turns out; none of it meant anything. But, my willingness to trust the Holy Spirit by way of this Course and my gradual willingness to be wrong; to question every thing I ever thought or believed, and my willing to be shown another way and then to practice it, regardless of my personal reactions to it… ~this has been enough…
At some point I became profoundly aware that every upset, from the slightest confusion, irritation, bored resistance, to “knowing” what I “prefer” were confusion about authorship. And, always, with my willingness to look straight on at the seeming situation, I realized no real facts comprised the upsets… It was due to identity-confusion, showing merely the desperate demands of a spoiled, frightened ego-child afraid to see the truth for fear of losing the ‘seeming security’ of being right about the its perception. It was attached to its images and the meaning that frailly strung them together to give the illusion of a solid world.
Always, my loss of peace has stemmed from the belief that I was in competition with God.
My “little willingness” to be wrong, showed the instability of a foundation based in “belief” rather than truth; which is always solid, immovable and unchanging. Truth was there already, always, awaiting my recognition of it ~ of my Self ~ as Love, as God created me. Thank God.
Reality is what actually is. More and more I see evidence in the world of the only thing that could be true, I am as God Created me, and you and I are one. The Peace of God is in our very make up. Being fathered by God, how could we possibly be made of some thing else… Only God. Only the desire to author myself and reality; to “specialize” myself, could make it seem so.
It feels so right to forgive this arrogant competition with God.... It’s nearly comical to look at it now … like watching little children acting like they ‘know everything’, like; “you’re not the boss of me…!”Ummm~ talk about a shift in perception ~thank you, God; “my so-called life is nothing short of a miracle; the holy shift from meaningless-mindedness to miracle-mindedness.
“A meaningless world engenders fear….”